|
[Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
@ 02:49AM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 not entirely sure |
] |
Just another turnin' point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why.
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So this may seem kinda redundant, but I'm definitely feelin this song right now. It's really hitting home with the way I'm feeling about things. This is just the best way of looking at life, even if it's hard sometimes. Life is like a box of chocolates...
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[Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
@ 02:36AM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Bitchin' (in the sweet way) |
] |
God am I thankful for my friends (and wonderful boyfriend) and the bullshit that I don't have to deal with. Let me reitterate that life is superb, and will be even more so once I find a good roomy and my own apartment (did someone say party?). Being a server is sweet. I made over $12 an hour sunday morning. Hell yeah.
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| Hot damn |
[Monday, August 29th, 2005
@ 12:00AM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
enthralled |
] |
Guess who's goin to Green Day bitches? Oh that'd be me...a Green Day concert on Sept 11...damn is this gonna be good. They're gonna rip that douche bag to threads. Bitchin'. Did I mention that i love life? Guess who's a server at the clarkston union making close to $100 every shift, plus whatever bussing hosting and barbacking hours i get...rock the fuck on. God im so exhausted from working doubles all week, yet I've managed to stay super happy. Even now, running on 4 hours of sleep preceding another 9 hour work day, i'm happy, excited, and altogether grand. Damn do I love life. Wow, you make me happy.
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[Monday, August 15th, 2005
@ 02:51PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 grateful |
] |
I miss my Joshy, and my Seany, and my Nerky, and my Autumn (even though i see you more now...I told you hanging out with the guys again wouldn't be a bad thing...i really think you found a good one). Thanks for calling the other night Court, it was awesome to hear from you. Miss you too! Life is grand, and it will be even more so when I found out where I'm going to live after I move out of my aunt's. Still working on the major at college thing. But all should fall into place, considering i just found out the other day that after my raise and with both jobs (one being shitty pay) i make almost $1,000 a month...yeah, a grand. I just went to Cedar Point for the second time in a week...my summer has officially started. Things are still great with my sweetheart and i only see them getting better. He's taking classes at OCC for another year and working just like me, so I don't have to worry about him leaving. A few of our friends are though. I'm going to miss them, I don't think I've ever laughed so much in a 3 month span. You guys are amazing. I'm so lucky to be a part of what that group has. Anyway, hope everyone has fun at their various colleges and if anyone cares to hang out before they leave, gimme a call. Peace, love, and...crabs for everyone. Jewels
Baby is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
The beating heart baby
The beating of your heart, baby
Oh yeah, I almost forgot...lol, if I had a sex toy party, would any of you want to come?
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| It's been a long time comin' |
[Sunday, June 26th, 2005
@ 08:27PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 flirty |
] |
So I don't even know if you guys read these anymore, but what the hell, I'll update anyway. It was cool seeing youy guys at the open houses. It sure has been awhile. I've kept quite busy, that's for sure. I'm finally moved in to my aunt's house and these are her rules: clean up after yourself, call me if you ever need a ride, call me if you're not coming home, if it's late just leave a message. I don't care who you're with or what you're doing, just call. Hell yes. That's all there is to say about that. Moving was a bitch. I have more shit than i thought. I've been working a lot too, and hanging out with the guys. Don't take offense to this any of you, but it's kinda nice to break away and mingle with some new faces. They're a great bunch of people, and I can't even begin to describe how happy I've been lately. My positive energy is like, through the roof. Lol and there's probably some of you laughing and not believing a word of that, but all I can say is believe it because it is indeed the truth. I have a great guy too, and it's funny because it's not the one i thought it was going to be. I just realized that the situation wasn't right and that i was unconsciously crazy about another. I seriously have never felt this way about another person and it hasn't even been that long. It's slightly intimidating but I can't wait to see what time will bring. Oh, and Presticle, I'm happy for you. She's cute and she seems nice (even though I didn't talk to her because you aren't very good at introductions, lol). Not too much more, except that I'm getting my tongue pierced this wednesday. I'm so excited. I just decided that I'm young, it'll be cute, and I've never really done anything off the wall like that so it's just time to be bold. I raise my glass to life and happiness. Cheers.
Thank you sweetheart for giving me something I never thought I'd find
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| My Open House |
[Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
@ 11:13PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
For anyone that didn't get an invitation...(it was really unorganized, if you didn't get one, come anyway)
Julie's Grad Part-aaay
June 11, 2005
3pm-?
9785 N. Eston Rd. Clarkston (My aunt's)
We'll have some tents pitched if anyone wants to stay the night. there'll be a bonfire, volleyball, trampoline, music, and food....lots of yummy food. if you don't come for me, don't miss out on all the food. Also, I believe there will be alcohol, but i think my aunt is going to be picky about who gets it. My idea is, if you want it and your crashing in the tents, bring it and we'll bust it out once the adults die down.
You should all come, it wouldn't be the same if you didn't.
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[Saturday, May 28th, 2005
@ 03:39PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
relieved |
] |
I wasn't going to post about any of this, but I decided there were a couple things that I wanted to say. For one, my goal was not to retaliate or get revenge, but simply to defend myself against false words and try to make people understand my situation. I've decided that whatever you think about me is fine. I know about my situation, and those close to me know. That's all that is necessary. I know who my real friends are and I intend to keep in contact with these friends regardless of what others may think. As for everyone else, your words are but a small boil on the ass of humanity to me. It's been a pleasure knowing you all, and if there is anyone that I don't talk to again, I honestly hope you have a great life.
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[Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
@ 03:11AM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
I'm not happy, at all. The post had reason, I understand what you mean, but a few of the comments were quite unnecessary and undeserving. Think about who could hurt before you say things like that. FOr instance, if she killed herself, how do you think that would leave me? Well, in about the same amount of pain as if you killed yourself. Think about that. I'd like to know how everyone feels about me truthfully, instead of hearing a general statement out of one person's mouth.
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| The Countdown begins... |
[Monday, May 23rd, 2005
@ 03:08PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
Today I successfully completed the exams for my two worst classes, Creative Writing and Personal Finance. Well, I don't know how successful the creative writing one was since I didn't have half my portfolio stuff. Oh well, I already failed the class anyway, so quite frankly, I don't give a damn. So NO MORE of those classes EVER, and you have no idea how excited I am. I honestly don't think anyone hated those classes more than I did. Tomorrow is gonna be awesome too, since I don't have to take the physics exam and we don't have one for yearbook. Wow, I can't believe how close we are. I looked at my gown today for like a minute, and I thought I might explode with excitement. And Lauren, you won't be the only one crying at commencements. I'm sure I will, but even if I don't I'm gonna cry during the senior walk.
I can't wait to be out of school though, then I'll actually be able to hang out with people and do stuff after work on week days. That'll be nice. I have a feeling I'll be spending a lot of time at Ram's Horn. Good times, though, good times. I can't wait to hang out with the guys more, I love em to death. I had a lot of fun this weekend. First REALLY good one in awhile. I'm sure there'll be many sweet times with you guys this summer too. Work time...yesss.
Lyrics on the brain, and for a good reason...
Maybe when the room is empty,
Maybe when the bottle's full.
Maybe when the door gets broke down,
Love can break in.
Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin.
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| :) :) |
[Saturday, May 21st, 2005
@ 01:27PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
Last night, I stayed up all night, drove home slowly and enjoyed the scenery, watched the sunrise, and smiled. A lot. Now I'm going to go lay in the sun, and smile some more. I love this
Oh, and I was thinking if everybody was planning on getting together tonight, we could hang out at my house, cuz my dad and kids will be gone. I'll be off work around 9, gimme a call or comment if you want.
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| Finally...a chance to break free |
[Thursday, May 19th, 2005
@ 04:05PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giddy |
] |
Well, it's a good thing I didn't update yesterday. I was just in deeep thinking mode for a couple of days and I was on the verge of tears all day yesterday. And if I had updated, I probably would have said some things that I didn't completely mean. I still feel partially the same way that I did yesterday, considering the enlightening discussion I had, more with myself than the other party involved. Isn't it weird how, sometimes, even if a person is just there listening to what you have to say, they can help you realize something? Ok...I'm sidetracked...this is the conversation that just took place with me and my dad: Him-"how come the dishes aren't done?" Me-"because there's no dish soap." Him-"what do you mean there's no dish soap." Me-"I mean there's no dish soap...?" Seriously, how do you not laugh when your parent says stuff like that? Lol, my dad's amazing. Anyway...to sum up how I've been feeling...I realized that there are very few people in my adolescent life who have really made an impact on me. I also feel that I haven't done the same for very many people. I don't want to be a person that is just forgotten over time, even though I know I am to some. I've lost touch with the sense of belonging that I had for so long. I know I'm not where I should be, but I've been here for so long, that I don't know where I belong. A few might understand this if they actually take a second to think outside of their hollow box. Today was a good day. I smiled and I was hyper and I just didn't care. Caring what others think or say, especially when they mean nothing to you, or vice versa, just brings you down to a place you don't deserve to be. I love this...I love that. I miss that...and that is something I won't miss at all.
I think I'm breaking out
I'm gonna leave you now
Theres nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid
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| Sounds meaningless, but the meaning's there |
[Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
@ 03:27PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 emo emo emo |
] |
Stupidity is abundant. There is a "cornucopia" of it, if you will (lol, autumn). I know some people think I'm negative, but most of the time, I'm just in touch with reality. Some people could use a good reality check once in awhile. Why is that it takes losing something precious to realize how precious it was in the first place? Maybe, in some cases, losing it wouldn't make a difference at all. Not to anyone. It's a depressing thought, but I've come to think that it's the truth. Maybe for some, this all isn't as great as everyone else thinks it is, and maybe it's not their fault. Then again, maybe it is. Who's to be the judge of that anyway? I'm excited for summer. Not just because I'll be out of school and not for the reason that everyone probably thinks. I'm excited to get out.
Feel like every chance to leave is another chance I should have took.
Every minute is a mile.
I've never felt so hollow.
I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles.
My secrets for a buck.
Oh, and I'll miss you two at my open house, seeing as how you are the ones that I've been able to count on the past couple years. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, it just sucks that you both had to bail. Well, I guess 2 out of 4 isn't bad. Or maybe it's 2 out of 3, who really knows?
_*Edit*_
Again, thank you for hearing me out, and I'm really glad we talked. I didn't make that comment to push you away...I'm sorry you don't understand why it's difficult for me. It's not you, you're not the problem. You're a great friend, and I don't think I could ask for better. I just over-analyze and think too much, and...well, I'm just me. I'm sorry, I wish this was easier for both of us, because I realize I must cause problems for you too by thinking the way I do. It is difficult, but without it would be worse.
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| I LOVE the weekends |
[Monday, May 16th, 2005
@ 12:16PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
This entry was supposed to be incoherent ramblings at 4am on saturday, but I got half-way done and the circuit that my comp was hooked to blew. That sucked. But anyway, on to the good weekend. Friday I worked at Joe's and got off early which was wicked sweet. I called Nate and decided to meet he and the guys up at Cherry Hill. I didn't really feel that good cuz I had a headache and such, but they bombarded me with hugs when I got there, so I felt better. I really love hanging out with those guys. They're very welcoming. We hung out at the Horn afterwards (surprise!). That was a blast...the scary drunk old guy...talk about the heeby-jeebes, ugh. Saturday I took pics of softball, which was cool, then I had to work at Joe's at 5. I got off pretty early again, then I picked up Preston. We headed over to Mike's where I became insanely jealous of Kyle's mad DDR skills. I'll finish later...off to 5th hour, god dammit.
Aaand, we're back. After DDR and some reeeaallly amusing pictures, we headed up to the horn (again). We first had to drop preston off at his house, so that he could sneak out 5 minutes later. While we waited, we annoyed the neighbors with our blasting music and mike kicked kyle in the balls...
Screaming existentialism was quite awesome guys...we should start our own band...I'll be the lip-syncher. I got to see all the guys again while we were at the horn and I bounced around between groups. Chernique, that pie was amaaaaazing, but it wouldn't have been half as good if I hadn't shared it with you ;) lol. Everybody left while I was saying goodbye to the guys, so I just decided to stay there with them as opposed to chasing everybody down, since I didn't know where they were all going. That was cool, cuz I was up there til almost 4. I'm a little bummed I missed the northern lights and stuff. Oh well, though, there'll be other times when I'll be able to join the closeness. Worked all day sunday, but i didnt have to close at joes (yay) so i grabbed preston and we headed to my house to endulge in some quality comedy. Love for everyone. Except for you, I could kill you. Lol
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[Sunday, May 8th, 2005
@ 10:19PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crampy, but ok |
] |
Good weekend if I do say so myself. Even better since I don't have to go to school tomorrow. God I love being a senior. Like, what? 2 or so more weeks left? Friday was quite pleasant. Worked ofcourse til about 11 then came home. I was supposed to hang out with Nate but I was much too sleepy. The rest of the night was spent enjoying Burnout, the OC, and a lifesize stuffed animal to sleep with. Saturday we woke up and lounged for quite some time. Watched Troy, which I was quite excited about, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I went and got my hair done, which turned out better than I though it was going to, I think. Came home and spent about an hour in the tub just shaving because I was being to careful, lol. Rushed to get ready as usual. Packed my car chock-ful of blankets and headed to Lauren's in the the "mud mobile". Hey, at least it's not a total piece of shit. Tried not to die in my shoes, but they were so worth it. Almost killed the girl wearing the same dress as me in pink, then discovered that it was one of my best friends. Had fun dancing and eating nuts and laughing at the two comics of the evening. You two are a hell of a duo, lemme tell ya. Prom definitely didn't last long enough, but things like that never do. Our last school dance...can you believe it? It amazes me. Lauren's house was fun. I know I got quiet and stuff, Chernique you seemed concerned. But I was reminiscing (fires do that to me...I felt all emo) and having fun observing everyone else having fun. Had breakfast this morning...Lauren's dad is the master of the breakfast making, oh god. Went to church in my grungy jeans and hair and half-decent shirt and Vans. Quite the Sunday Best get-up, huh? Then guess what I did? I fell asleep on my deck, basking in the glorious sunshine. Oh how I LOVE summer.
And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep, but this time not alone, no no
And you'll kiss me in your living room
I know you'll miss me in your living room
Cuz these nights i think maybe that i'll miss you in my living room
We don't have much room
I said does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live
My Konstantine
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| Weird Day |
[Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
@ 11:50AM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
Today was one of those days where you wake up as late as you possibly can without totally missing first hour, and don't really put any effort into looking cute at all. I'm kinda out of it too. I haven't really had to do anything important today, and I don't have to work later (AWESOME). Plus, we're taking my car to get it fixed later, and hopefully there'll be a little bit of time left over for prom shopping and maybe even some OC re-runs. Sound good? I'm excited. I'm not in a bad mood at all, just content with not thinking very much today. Sometimes the mind just needs a break. I'm pretty excited for this weekend. I wish I was getting the car, but I guess we'll just have to make my Sunfire stylish. Hah, we should deck it out with some totally rediculous decorations and write a bunch of stuff on the windows. Speaking of decorating/accessorizing, I decided that since my dress looks kind of salsa-ish, I'm going to accessorize accordingly. That way it'll make up for having to wear the same dress. I'll be a lot more excited about that once I find the jewelery and shoes and such that I want. And I'll be even more excited when Saturday's plans are all finalized. I am intimidated, I'll admit...I just hope there won't be any drama or tension between anybody when we all hang out afterwards. I'm not saying there will be, just that it's not like it's never happened. Let's just try not to let petty shit ruin friendships for the end of this year. Love you guys.
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| A good start... |
[Saturday, April 30th, 2005
@ 04:03AM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
Here we are again...thankfully. I don't mean to doubt you or anything, but I hope you meant everything you said. I believe you did. Just know that spending time with you, regardless of what we are or what we're doing means a lot to me. I'm lucky to have someone as close as you in my life. Here's to many more weekends like this and many many summer days and nights.
I worked tonight, which was slightly rough on my sick self, but afterwards was fun. More than that, but it was fun. Tomorrow I work at Joe's...it's 80's night too, so guess who gets to dress up like an ass? (Oh, I know! Me! Pick me!) Before though, I'm going prom shopping. I'm so lucky to have a dad's girlfriend like Nela. She's so awesome. She so much more supportive of prom and graduation and stuff than dad is. She wants to make it the "best time of my life". She and I met up with my aunt Cammie for lunch today and started planning my open house. So far there's at least 80 people invited. I'm so excited. Preston and Dad showed up too, and inevitably made things fun. He and my dad spent the day together, and last night. They had a sleep over that I was barely aware of. So cute ;) After work, I'm sure I'll be hanging out with Presticle again. He mentioned Ram's Horn, so be prepared guys. You all shall be summoned. Sunday I work all day...Union in the A.M. and Joe's in the evening. Oy vay. Oh hey, what's the skinny on senior skip day? I'm pretty sure I don't know what's going on, so if someone could fill me in that'd be wicked sweet. Autumn darling, I hope you're feeling better. We both better be healthy come Monday or I'm gonna riot. Lots of love for everyone
|
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| Yet another absent day |
[Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
@ 11:33AM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stupid |
] |
I woke up this morning and my throat hurt really bad, plus I didn't fall asleep until 3:30 or 4. That was gay. I called dad and he didn't mind if I stayed home, which is one thing that I love about him. I really shouldn't miss any more days in 1st hour but I woke up and was like, hey, I don't really give a fuck. I wish this year was over. Just skip to prom, then straight to graduation. The summer will be here and there will be good times with people new and old. Maybe I'll even find a worth-while summer fling for myself. That would be fun. For the record everyone, I am retarded. I've decided. I need to come up with a way to spend my time more wisely. And not by drowning myself in work. I don't know what I need actually. If I did, I probably wouldn't be in this situation. Or maybe I do know, and that's the reason I'm in the situation in the first place. I don't fucking know.
A crown of gold.
A heart that's harder than stone.
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.
Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not.
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| What a lovely way to burn... |
[Monday, April 25th, 2005
@ 11:33PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
I can without doubt say that the past couple days have been the best I have had in a long time. Despite all the petty shit that happened (i.e. going through two tires in two days, yearbook, dad, etc) they've been great. I love being able to look past the insignificant things that happen and stay happy. My goal this summer was to just get as much of our close friendship back as possible, because I was so afraid that we had lost it for good. I didn't think I lost it, but I had no idea how you felt. Thanks for clearing that up, by the way ;) Anyway, I think we're off to a damn good start as far as getting some of that closeness back. I missed it a lot, and I'm glad you did too.
On to Prom...if my dad is gone, I think it'd be cool if we had a bonfire at my house. There's a lot of sleeping space, but we couldn't get too crazy. It'd be sweet if camping out at your dad's worked out too though lauren, especially if the gentlemen could join us (strictly for entertainment purposes, ofcourse. lol) I thought bowling was fun last year too. Or we could play laser tag or something in our dresses and heels...now that'd be funny.
Edit....
Well...what can I say? I don't really know what to say or think, except that I respect how you feel, probably because I know what it's like to feel that way about someone. I had a feeling this would happen, yet it still sent my body tingling and my stomache churning. I hate what things like that can do. Hopefully soon I will feel nothing but our amazing friendship. The dream must've been a way to get through.
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| Meanings of dreams, and why MY summer won't suck |
[Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
@ 03:15PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thoughtful |
] |
I had a really weird kind of good, kind of bad dream the other night. It was good in my eyes, but probably not in others'. It took me back to a feeling I thought I had lost. I woke up wondering why I couldn't have just stayed in my dream. I don't really know if it meant anything. I'm the type of person that is torn about the whole paranormal, astrology, dream meanings scene. I don't really know what to believe when it comes to those types of things, but I'm also the type of person that hopes that dreams do have meanings and that dreams like the one I had are signs of things to come.
On another note, I've noticed so much negative energy lately. It seems like I'm at least somewhat happy with my life right now (not that it's perfect but I've learned to accept everything that goes on) and now other people are falling apart and I really don't understand why. People are bummed out about not hanging out with people and being disconnected with everyone, which I definitely don't get. Especially since we never really did that much to begin with. Oh, and if you don't talk to anyone about what's wrong, don't expect to feel connected with everyone. And about no one calling, I know no one ever called me just to chat and hardly ever to hang out. It doesn't seem like we were really big on that, because we saw eachother everyday in school and stuff. I don't really want to be like this, but maybe people that feel like that understand how I felt for the better part of this year. I learned that if you want to hang out, you have to initiate and plan it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. You can't expect things to just happen. As far as summer goes, I personally am really stoked because I plan on having the most kick ass summer of my life. I realize it's probably our last summer to hang out together, and for that reason I plan on making the most of it. If you sit there and mope about how much you think it's going to suck, it will more than likely end up sucking for you.
I hope no one got offended by this, I'm just being honest
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| School is useless... |
[Friday, April 15th, 2005
@ 12:46PM] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
I wonder if I did nothing for the rest of the year if I would still graduate. It's not like I'm valedictorian anyway. This stupid paper is...well, stupid. So this prom thing has be pretty bummed. There's a chance that I might not be able to go and my dad doesn't care about the fact that it's my one and only senior prom. "Nobody ever gave me money for any senior trip or prom, why should i give you any?" My mom always says stuff like that too. It boils down to "hey my childhood sucked, why should I make yours worth living?" God I hate my parents right now. I need to find a damn date so I don't have to spend the money on a ticket...muuahaha. No prospects still though. All options I once had are null in void now. Guh. I'm quite sick of my dad being on my case about money and chores, even though I work almost everyday. It's getting to the point where I just don't care what he says or thinks. I really don't. I just blow him off half the time because if I didn't I'd definitely go off on him. I'm worried about college too. Anyone notice a pattern here...like, I've been bitching about the same things for awhile now, but no matter what I do I can't seem to fix them.
I don't see anything now
So just say what you wanna say
It's kind of funny how I'm not listening anyway
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